Self-Care For Stressful Times

At a medical check-up today, my doctor asked me how I’m doing. 

Honestly? I’m stressed.

Every morning when I wake up, I wonder what new drama will greet me. I am very worried about our democracy…and, more personally, about my chosen profession (and income).

So, yeah, I’m stressed.

I’m also determined not to let this presidential administration be the death of me. 

So I’m engaging in ways to reduce my stress and increase my joy. Here are a few things that help me:

1. Music. Reggae and gospel when I need something uplifting, something more chill when I want to relax. Patricia Hennessy and I are taking djembe drumming lessons with our friend Comma Williams. It’s like therapy. We drum for a while, vent and drum some more. I recommend it!

2. Exercise. Yoga got me through the first Trump administration and the pandemic. I’m counting on it to save me again. Trying to add the exercise bike and weights to my routine…

3. The outdoors. Hiking and cross-country skiing in New Hampshire bring me peace. In the Boston area, going for a walk in my neighborhood or nearby park is also wonderful. Even yard work is stress reducing.

4. Small acts. I volunteer locally. I shop locally. I boycott organizations that have pulled back on diversity, equity, and inclusion and/or donated heavily to Trump. My individual acts may be small, but when added to those of others, they become a mighty force!

5. Gratitude. I count my blessings. And there are many. My family, friends, and health top the list.

What do you do to ease your stress and increase joy? Please share. On a day like today, I could use some more ideas! 

Want Meritocracy? Then You Need DEI.

I am all for meritocracy—true meritocracy.

The misguided belief that you have to sacrifice excellence in order to have a diverse team has existed for a long time. It is seeing a resurgence now as part of the anti-DEI backlash.

The fact is that you won’t have a true meritocracy without diversity, equity, and inclusion.

When hiring, you can’t say that you found the best person if you don’t start with a diverse pool of candidates. If you source based on referrals from employees or your neighbors, you won’t see the range of talented people who are available.

Of course, once they’re hired, you want to provide employees with equitable access to opportunities and the support that they need to do their best work. Support can range from accessibility aids like standing desks to performance coaching in particular areas. As Dr. Robert Livingston of the Harvard Kennedy School says, “Equity is about treating employees differently in ways that make sense.”

And you don’t need to read studies to know that employees will work hard for you if they feel valued and appreciated. That sense of belonging is the result of the intentional work of inclusion. Those efforts start with a good onboarding process, and continue with mentoring. 

A senior partner at a law firm once told me that they didn’t have a mentoring program when they came up. "The cream naturally rises to the top,” he said. 

I thought to myself: Seriously? I have yet to meet a senior person who hasn’t benefited from mentoring. 

I asked him if anyone had given him guidance when he was an associate. 

“Oh, yes,” he said. Turns out the founder of the firm had taken him under his wing, staffed him on deals, introduced him to clients…But since this wasn’t a “program,” this partner believed that he rose solely due to his own merit. 

If you believe in meritocracy, then you should have nothing to fear from diversity, equity, and inclusion. 

In fact, true meritocracies need all three.

Wheel and Come Again

I was having a tough day. Three client cancellations and lots of anti-DEI backlash in the news.

I expressed my distress to my aunt, and she sent me a text:

“You have to wheel and come again. Find a new way to deal with workplace dysfunction.”

There is a Jamaican phrase or proverb for every situation. This one means “Make adjustments, find a new approach, and don’t give up.”

I could hear her Jamaican accent and emphasis. I felt it in my spirit. 

It was exactly what I needed in that moment. It grounded me, snapped me out of my wallowing, and reminded me of who I am: the descendant of a long line of strong people who survived the unimaginable. Kidnapping, the Middle Passage, enslavement, brutality, emancipation without economic support, the Great Depression, and more. Their sacrifice made my life of relative privilege possible. 

I can’t waste time feeling sorry for myself. “Wheel and come again!”

So, what adjustments will I make? Focus on using my voice in my sphere of influence: my clients. I can help them figure out how they can safely continue to do the work of inclusion to which they are committed. 

I can also speak out when I see injustice and illegality, using my own words and amplifying the voices of others. 

We have come too far to sit quietly while our rights are taken away.

As another Jamaican phrase puts it: “Better must come.”