Oops

I caught myself the other day assuming something about someone.

I was thrilled.

I was on a conference call with a museum client, getting ready for an onsite visit. They were telling me I was going to meet with their head of security, who they referred to as Nicky (or sometimes Nick). 

What picture is coming to your mind? 

For me, it was a tall, burly man. Maybe Italian. Strong Boston accent.

When I walked into the room, Nicky introduced herself. 

No resemblance whatsoever to my mental picture.

What’s wrong with me, falling prey to stereotypes? I’m a diversity professional! 

Lucky for me, I hadn’t said or done anything to embarrass myself before my biases were checked. But even when I’m not so lucky, I’m still grateful when I’m corrected. 

Biases are usually unconscious, so I never know they’re there. The only way to reprogram them is to see them—which usually means making a mistake. 

Only then can I know to ask myself why I jumped to a conclusion, where I learned the stereotype. Only then can I anticipate the assumptions before I act on them in the future.

People often thank me after workshops for sharing anecdotes about making mistakes. I guess they appreciate knowing I have to do work on myself too. So now I make it a point to collect these examples—not because I want to share my shame, but because I want people to realize that just because I’m introduced as an “expert” doesn’t mean I don’t have anything to learn. 

Why not try doing the same thing? Be honest about your own mistakes and missteps. It feels vulnerable to let go of our pride and perfection. But I’ve found that being corrected is a gift, and talking about mistakes lets other people learn from them too. 

Pride and Humility at the Boston Bar Association

Let’s celebrate some progress.

Over a decade ago I attended a reception to welcome the Affinity Bar Associations to their new office space at the Boston Bar Association (BBA).

I felt two things.

First, a rush of camaraderie and joy to be among so many Black and brown lawyers of color.

Second, a sense that this space was actually not as diverse as it could be: there were almost no white men. 

Trust me, the BBA had many white men among its members. Where were they? 

I was so troubled by this question that I asked a few of the white men who were there. One of them said, “I wasn’t sure if white people were invited,” he told me. “I called to ask because the invitation said it was for the Affinity Bars.”

The event was actually to welcome the Affinity Bars.

A few weeks ago, I attended the BBA’s Beacon Award event. This event, I was happy to see, was packed with a racially diverse mix of attendees.

I still felt that same delight at the experience of so many people of color together. It was restorative to be in a room of people who really care about DEI, particularly at this moment when it is under attack. 

On top of the great crowd, I was inspired by the event itself: the Beacon Awards honor “individuals, organizations and corporations who are forging innovative paths toward a more diverse, equitable and inclusive community and legal profession.”

I am so grateful to have learned about the incredible leadership of Angela Onwuachi-Willig of Boston University School of Law and the initiatives of the Federal Reserve Bank of Boston. And of course I was proud to cheer for my friend Beth Chandler, President & CEO of YW Boston, as she was honored for her decades of work on DEI issues. 

I left the event struck by something else this time.

All of the honorees, in their speeches, recognized so many other people. None of them took credit for the whole award. They mentioned their teams: the faculty, administration, and students; the donors and partners; the staff. 

These are some of the most accomplished and hard-working visionaries in Boston, making a measurable impact in terms of equity and justice. And in their time in the spotlight, they demonstrated humility and inclusiveness in accepting it. They know it isn’t all about them, and they wanted us to know it too.

Kudos to the BBA for honoring people doing this work for 14 years now, and for offering this uplifting event for the community.

Pursuing DEI is hard. It’s great to have moments to celebrate the hard work of individuals and organizations. 

And I’m sure the BBA would give credit to everyone on their team who made the event such a success.

The Job of Young People

A non-profit leader I know was presented with a letter from younger employees, demanding change to what they called racist and oppressive policies and norms. 

The leader was shocked. Not just by the accusations and demands, but more by the antagonistic approach. 

Why hadn’t they asked her and other members of the leadership team to speak with them about their concerns? She could have assured them that some of their issues were fixable, and explained the challenges with some of the others so that they could collaborate on solutions. 

It hurt her that her team didn’t see her this way. She had been an advocate and organizer for mission-driven causes for her entire career. 

How had she suddenly become “The Man”? 

She wasn’t the only one. I’ve talked to several leaders who have faced internal revolt from younger employees since 2020. 

For some it was outrage over systemic racism; for others, it was return-to-work expectations that provoked an unexpected backlash. 

It’s the job of young people to push us. That’s how we make progress. 

Each generation looks at the one before and decides, do they want to live that way? How could our world be better? 

As a no-longer-young person myself, I have empathy for my peers in this position. It feels awful to be questioned about your commitment when you are used to being viewed as progressive. 

But inclusive leadership requires humility. We may know a lot, but we don’t know everything. 

A good first step is to remember that many of us behaved similarly when we were young.

Next step is to find ways to collaborate—to marry young people’s desire for change with the practical concerns of senior leadership, like keeping an organization solvent and focusing on mission.

The experience of older leaders can help to translate the vision of younger leaders into strategies to achieve a common goal.

Inclusion means everybody has something to offer—and everyone has to feel valued in order to offer what they have. We need to listen and engage, even if the ideas aren’t presented how we would like them to be. 

It hasn’t been easy or comfortable for leaders who have given space for young employees’ voices. But when people feel heard, they can begin to listen. 

The organizations that incorporate all the voices will be the most successful.