Bias matters in unpredictable ways

We don’t always know the long-term implications of the biases we hold, or if and when they will become a big deal. I still remember the moment I acknowledged that I might have some unconscious biases toward what we then referred to as the gay community.

I was participating in a mandatory, two-day, diversity program for new employees at Lotus Corporation back in 1994. I had recently joined as an Assistant Corporate Counsel. The first day of the workshop focused on race and gender. That was fun for me; I thoroughly enjoyed the exercises and discussion. On the second day, Lotus’ PRIDE group led the discussion. I can’t remember exactly how it happened; they might have been challenging us about our biases. Pretty sure I said something like, “I’m not biased, I treat everyone the same”—a sentiment that makes me cringe today.

They pressed a little more and someone asked me if I would hire a gay man to be a nanny for my infant son. I remember feeling that one in my gut rather than thinking about it in my head. I knew the answer was no and I also knew that my reaction was illogical.

I wasn’t causing anyone direct harm, or making homophobic comments or even having homophobic thoughts but their questions did cause me to reflect and question whether I harbored any unconscious biases. At that time, I didn’t have close relationships with anyone who openly identified as LGBTQ+; that in itself was a sign.

And, I was probably in denial about the negative associations I had absorbed, mostly about gay men, while growing up in the homophobic culture of 1970s Jamaica. I would have been in denial because no one in my immediate family would have made homophobic comments but the society in general was rife with it and as children we pick up all sorts of messages.

As with the tattoo bias I shared last week, I wanted to get rid of this bias. I don’t know how conscious it was, but I began to broaden my professional and personal circles. I met and got to know gay colleagues, landladies, friends. I am pretty sure I read some books to increase my awareness—that’s usually my go-to when I don’t know something or I’m uncomfortable. I was investing in an open mind, rooting out a bias I did not want to have.

I had no idea just how important it would be to deal with my stuff back then. My daughter was born a year after that diversity program. Cut to 17 years later: my daughter walked into the kitchen and said, “I have to tell you something. I’m bi.” [I have my daughter’s permission to share her story.]

Now, I can’t say that I did everything right as a parent (do we ever?). But I know it would have been worse if I had been the 1994 version of myself. I was grateful that she was comfortable sharing this important part of who she is with me. And I was relieved that I started attending to this particular bias so many years before. The stakes were higher than I could have imagined during that workshop.

You’ve become aware of a bias. Now what?

In last week’s blog post I shared some approaches that I use to spot my own biases. Today, and next week, I’m going to share stories and strategies that have helped me mitigate some of my biases.

Many years ago, my partner told me that he was planning to get a tattoo. Immediately, I felt a reaction in my belly. All the negative stereotypes I held about people with tattoos rose up in my head. I tried not to show this (literal) gut feeling to him. Keeping my face neutral, I asked him what he had in mind. I braced myself. Turned out he had something big in mind: a colorful sleeve of a dragon covering his whole arm.

Inwardly, I panicked. My imagination went right to a few months later, when my Jamaican family would meet him for the first time. I imagined their shocked faces and what they might assume about him. Then I realized what my brain was doing. Now that my bias was now conscious, I took a few steps that helped me to interrupt it.

First, I noticed that I was projecting onto my family the bias that was actually mine. I needed to own it and to unpack the associations and stereotypes in my head. Why did I believe what I did about tattoos and their wearers? Were those beliefs true? Where did they come from?

I started getting curious. I looked around for tattoos to see what was out there. Some were truly beautiful. I saw a young woman at the beach whose body was almost completely covered in tattoos. They told a story; her body was the canvas for a work of art. Of course, there were others that I didn’t like as much.

Then I looked at the people. Did they line up with the stereotypes I held? Turns out lots of people have tattoos. I saw artsy folks and professionals. Young people on their phones and grandparents with strollers. I filed these images away, starting to break some of the old associations that had formed patterns in my head.

None of the above would have happened if I hadn’t decided that I wanted to change my perspective. It was important to me to eliminate the bias because my partner was going to get a large tattoo, and I didn’t want to experience an irrational reaction every time I saw it.

In this case, the stakes weren’t that high. If I didn’t attend to my bias, would it affect our relationship? I doubt it. But, what if I were interviewing people? Would I discount candidates with visible tattoos? What about evaluating employees? Hiring vendors? Selecting consultants to represent my organization? Honestly, I think the answer is yes..

As it happened, my partner spoke with a few artists and had a couple of designs drawn. Then I stopped hearing about it. When I started writing this post, I asked him what his plans were. He shrugged and said he probably won’t bother. All that work on mitigating my tattoo bias, and he’s not going to take advantage of it! Hmmm…maybe I’ll get one.

I’d love to hear how you mitigate your biases. Please share tips in the comments below.

The Illusion of Objectivity

Seeing other people’s biases is pretty easy. Seeing our own is hard.

I’m well tuned to the ways society unfairly stereotypes and undervalues someone who looks like me. When someone acts in a way that reinforces biases against women, Black people, or older people—unintentionally or not—it’s obvious to me. I’ve been there.

And even when we’re not the target of a microaggression, most of us can learn to notice when others commit them.

But somehow, seeing our own biases isn’t easy at all.

Our brains are set up to believe we are reasonably objective. We tend to trust our own snap judgments; they help us survive in the world without being paralyzed by uncertainty. But that means that biases settle into our thought patterns over time. Eventually they look to our brains like facts.

Recognizing those patterns is uncomfortable and upsetting. That’s why most of us don’t want to admit that we could be biased—even while we congratulate ourselves for spotting bias in others.

As important as it is to say something if you observe someone causing harm, I think it’s also valuable (and likely more effective) to focus on ourselves. After all, we can’t control other people’s behavior or their learning process—just our own. This is particularly important for those in a position to have an impact in other people's lives, like police officers, managers, doctors, or teachers. We may or may not influence someone else, but we can directly prevent harm by doing our own inner work.

But how do we break the hold that the myth of objectivity has on us? That’s a lifelong struggle for me.

I try to practice and build my skills, so that I can spot my own biases more quickly. Three approaches have been helpful for me:

• Look for red flags. When I find myself being surprised when I learn something about someone, that’s a tell. I was making an assumption, and assumptions indicate a bias might be at work. I’ve gotten better at pausing when I notice that feeling.

• See your biases from the outside. The Implicit Association Test measures your reaction times to suggest where your unconscious views favor some groups over others. When I took the IAT for age, I revealed a preference for younger people—which surprised me since I’m biased against the group I’m in! But that was helpful info. Am I likely to give the benefit of the doubt to younger people? Can I use that knowledge to mitigate that bias in situations where I have some power?

• Get a second opinion. We can hold each other accountable in a loving way. Ask a trusted friend to tell you when they notice any bias in you. It will be easier for them to spot than it is for you.

We’re always going to notice other people’s biases, but we can do more good by looking at our own. Standing in a place of judgment only reinforces the systemic biases at play.

Instead, let’s take care of our own stuff. As Vernā Myers likes to say, “Move boldly toward your biases.” They’re getting in the way of how we treat people. And if we don’t learn to see them, we can’t change them.

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An embarrassing example: my kids were in elementary school when I recognized that I had a bias against people who are overweight. We were at a big amusement park. I started to notice how many fat people were at the park. My brain seized on the fact that they had supersized drinks and were eating fried food. I found myself forming a pattern that reinforced familiar stereotypes, making negative judgments about people I didn’t know at all. Lazy. Undisciplined. Bad judgment.

At least for a few moments—then other parts of my brain kicked in. I realized that the park didn’t allow any outside food. We don’t have any choice about what we eat here. They also make it really cheap to supersize drinks, so it makes economic sense to get a huge cup for an extra 50 cents. The pattern I saw wasn’t a reflection of their character; it was a reflection of a structural setup by the managers of the amusement park.

The worst I may have done that day was to shoot my fellow park-goers a frowning glance. But if I were in a position of making decisions about one of them, like considering them for a job, I probably would have eliminated them based on that bias. After all, it seemed like an objective fact to me.

The realization came relatively quickly. But I still had the bias, and I was ashamed. You’d think I would be able to tap into some empathy—I know from experience that it’s not easy to control your body size, and it gets harder the older you get. And yet the millions of messages I’ve received from others and the media came to mind first, and I had to deliberately dislodge them.

In that instance, I noticed when I was making an assumption. But I know I don’t always catch it.